It Isn't Fair
by Wendy Blue
Summary: Jamie and Cathy meet again five years after their marriage ended. A bittersweet story about forgiveness, acceptance, and the pain of seeing the one who got away.
1. Chapter 1: Another Opportunity

**A/N: Okay folks! Here it is. My very first fan fic. Ever! Many thanks go to Molly and Caitlin for the in-depth analytical discussion on TL5Y, which ultimately inspired me to write this. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Last 5 Years belongs to the amazing Jason Robert Brown.**

_It can't be._ Jamie's mind reeled as he stared in shock through the café window.

_Can it?_ He gazed at the exquisite blonde sitting at the table next to the window with an open book in one hand and a coffee cup in the other.

_Cathy_. Five years later and she still retained that classic beauty Jamie had always loved about her. He hadn't seen her since the day he moved out, that heart-wrenching day he had tried desperately to block out of his mind but to no avail. He hadn't forgotten the pain in her eyes as he said goodbye and walked out of the house that had once been their home. He smiled as he saw her sitting there, happily immersed in the novel in front of her.

_It's good to see her happy._

Overwhelmed with memories and emotions he had pushed back to the very back of his heart, Jamie shook his head vigorously to bring himself back to the present. He wanted to walk away, leave before she caught him staring. _Don't do this,_ he thought. _Don't bring back all this pain. It's not fair to you…or to her. _The day Jamie had moved out of the house he had shared with Cathy was the day he decided to move on with his life and move on quickly. Less than a year after the divorce was finalized, Jamie and Elise got married. Another writer on the rise, Elise understood the very things that Jamie told himself Cathy never could. Elise worked even longer days than Jamie, perfecting and correcting her work at all hours of the night. He often fell asleep to the sounds of her clicking away in the adjacent room she had claimed as her "office." Jamie admired her ambition and took delight in having someone he could share his life's passion with. But what came with having similar goals was a lack of the companionship that, as it turned out, Jamie valued. _Its what I wanted_, he often thought to himself, repeating all too familiar words.

Jamie paced back and forth by the café, glancing at the window nervously praying that Cathy wouldn't look up. He struggled between the desire to see her again and the impulse to walk away and avoid the agonizing confrontation awaiting him within the café. He had dealt for five years with Cathy's passive attitude and unwillingness to talk; what if she repaid his effort with the same behavior? Jamie wasn't sure his heart could bear it. After stealing another glance of Cathy, calmly sipping from her cup and eyes still focused on the material in front of her, Jamie walked away with his head hung low.

_No,_ he stopped abruptly._ You can't walk away from an opportunity like this you don't know when you'll get another one._ With trepidations in his heart and a deep breath, Jamie cautiously entered the café and turned to face the woman he never thought he would face again.


	2. Chapter 2: That Smile

**A/N: Another chapter! Reviews are very much appreciated **

**Disclaimer: Oh if only it were mine. But it's not. It's still Mr. JRB's.**

Cathy was still engrossed with her reading when she suddenly felt a presence standing near her table. She looked up and gasped at the man standing in front of her.

"Hi," Jamie smiled sheepishly. Cathy stared at him for a moment, not quite believing her eyes that her ex-husband was standing in front of her. The only communication she'd had with him over the past five years was through a lawyer for the sole purpose of settling financial matters. In the end, that's all she had to show for their marriage: files of paperwork, attorney fees, and an empty house too big for one person. Cathy had tried to remain in the house they had shared, hoping she could make new memories to erase old, painful ones. And after one month of crying into pillows on an unaccompanied bed, she found a small studio apartment in the heart of the city where she could shed the stigma of a "divorcee" and just be…Cathy.

And while the whole point of moving to a city of eight million people was to escape from her past, it was now standing in front of her, looking uncomfortable in the awkward silence.

"Jamie…hi," she stammered. "Wow…what…how are you? What are you doing here?"

He scuffed his foot on the floor. "Oh, you know, just uhh…passing by, thought I'd stop for a cup of..."

"What can I get for ya'" a waitress said hurriedly as she bustled over to her new customer, unaware of the momentous, yet tense, situation at hand.

"Coffee. Decaf, please," Jamie responded quietly.

Cathy smiled. "You're drinking decaf now? I thought you were hooked up to a caffeine IV at all times."

Jamie relaxed at the quip, and smiled back. "I'm trying to cut down."

_Five years later, and he still has that smile,_ she thought to herself. "Would you like to sit?"

"Oh, well…sure, unless I'd be interrupting your reading," he said, indicating at the book still clutched in her hand.

_Shit, did he notice?_ Cathy fumbled as she stuffed the book quickly back in her purse. "No…uhh, not at all." But by the grin on his face, she knew she had been busted.

"Oh come on, its not that bad is it?" he teased.

Like a suspect surrendering incriminating evidence, Cathy bashfully pulled out the book upon which she had been so fixated: "Unlimited Time" by Jamie Wellerstein.

"So far so good," she answered light-heartedly. "I'd say it's earned that place at the top of the bestseller's list."

Jamie blushed, and then paused before saying, "How are you, Cath?"

She sighed. "I'm great. I've been doing some marketing work for the Hayes Theater for about four years. Not exactly the direction I originally planned on, but I'm surprisingly good at it and have wound up being really happy there."

"I'm guessing it beats a summer in Ohio?" he joked.

Cathy chuckled. "You don't know the half of it. It just got to the point where I couldn't bring myself to go to another audition. The uncertainty and risk of the whole business just lost its appeal. So I thought I'd try my hand at the logistical aspect of theater, and it just clicked. I've got an office with my name on the door and a steady paycheck." She took a sip from her cup. _I always told you I'd make it._

"That's great to hear Cathy, I'm happy for you," Jamie said sincerely, yet, Cathy noticed, with the smallest hint of sadness in his voice.

For what seemed like hours, they looked at each other, unsure of what to say yet subconsciously knowing that nothing really need to be said. They sat in comfortable silence, still astounded to be in each other's presence after so much time.

Breaking the eye contact between them, Cathy glanced at her watch. "Oh damn," she said, standing up quickly and throwing her coat across her arm. "I took a bit more than an hour for lunch. I got to get back to work," she said with a subtle disappointment.

"God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you," Jamie said apologetically, helping her gather her things.

"Thanks," she said as she headed towards the door. She stopped and turned around, "Bye Jamie, it was really great seeing you." And with that, she stepped out on to the busy street and merged into the bustling crowd.


	3. Chapter 3: Recontrer encore

**A/N: I feel like I'm on a roll with this one, which is why the updates are coming so quickly…for now. So many thanks to Molly for all of her creative genius, and Sara for being so patient with my new found hobby.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Tear.**

Jamie spent the remainder of his day in a fog. While he had intended to work that day, his encounter with Cathy had left him unable to concentrate. Realizing that his editor would laugh at any writing he did that day, Jamie resolved to walk the streets of New York to clear his head.

_Get a grip_, he yelled at himself internally. _You got to see her again, you got to talk, and now it's over. It's done. _Yet something in him kept gnawing at his heart. Instead of a feeling of resolution Jamie was sure would come with talking with Cathy once more, he was left with an even bigger sense of something unfinished.

Jamie noticed then that his feet had led him to Central Park. _Well that's fitting_, he thought. He sat on a nearby bench facing the water, resting his chin in his folded hands.

It was on this lake that Jamie had proposed to Cathy, ten long years ago. He remembered how badly his hands shook as his took out the black velvet box. He remembered how beautiful Cathy looked beaming with happiness as he slid the ring on her finger. He remembered how strongly the feeling of hope and determination for their future filled him that day…

Jamie swallowed hard to stop the lump from rising in his throat.

_It had all seemed so simple._

Hours later, Jamie returned home to the familiar sounds of rapid typing.

"Hi sweetie," Elise called from the office. A small sense of guilt tugged at him at the sound of her voice. He hadn't even stopped to consider how Elise would feel about him seeing Cathy again.

"Hey Elle," Jamie said distantly, his mind still preoccupied with the day's events. He walked into her office to find her leaning back in her chair, biting on her pen as she surveyed the work in front of her. He stood in the doorway watching her, examining just how different she was from Cathy. While Cathy possessed a classic, blonde-hair, blue-eyed glamour, Elise had an exotic look about her that had instantly attracted Jamie to her. Curly brown locks framed her delicate face and complimented her deep brown eyes and pouty red lips. He noticed those lips turning into a smile as she saw him leaning casually against the doorway.

"Are you waiting for an invitation or are you going to kiss your wife?" she teased.

"Silly me," he replied, kissing her lightly.

"How was your day?" she asked as she returned to the typing.

Jamie hesitated. "It was okay, I…uhh…sent another chapter off for editing," he lied.

"Good for you honey," Elise said flatly, obviously distracted. Jamie shook his head as he walked into the bedroom. Why had he lied? Was he ashamed of seeing Cathy again? He certainly didn't plan to. But was that any excuse? The questions collided around his mind in chaos and he could find no answer. Exhausted from the emotional day, Jamie undressed and crawled into bed, letting out a long and tired sigh.

Elise laughed from the office. "Must have been a hell of a chapter."

"You could say that," Jamie said softly as he turned off the bedside lamp and fell into a much-needed sleep.

The New York autumn sun peeked through the windows, awaking a groggy and delirious Jamie. Blurry images of Cathy, his book, and a corner café crowded his vision; had it all been a dream? He stumbled to the bathroom sink, and with a splash of cold water on his unshaven face, the reality of his encounter with Cathy came into place. Jamie groaned at his inability to shake the feeling of longing and sadness yesterday had left him with.

"Mohin." Elise rushed into the bedroom, already dressed with a bagel in her mouth, rummaging through piles of shoes at the bottom of their closet. She took the bagel out of her mouth and turned to Jamie. "Don't forget, the publishing party for Tristan is tonight. Can you be home by five so we can leave at six? Oh, and could you stop by the store, pick up a bottle of wine or something? We shouldn't go empty-handed…I would pick it up but I have a crazy day at work, and I know you don't really know him, but he's an important client to my publisher and…

"I'll take care of it," Jamie interrupted. He was used to picking up the slack for the household necessities because of "crazy days at work."

She smiled. "You're my hero, you know that?" She kissed him quickly. "I'll see you tonight, I love you!" she yelled as she went out the door, closing it forcefully behind her.

"I love you"s muffled by the sound of a door shutting: it was a sound that Jamie would forever associate with his second wife.

At 6:18 pm, Jamie and Elise arrived at Tristan Tucker's loft apartment on 53rd Street, a bottle of Bordeaux in hand. In typical New York fashion, the apartment door had been left open, signaling that this was the kind of party where no one would know if you belonged there or not. Elise searched the crowd for Tristan, with Jamie following along behind, looking as though he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

"Tristan!" Elise spotted him in a corner. An unusually tall man in his early 30s searched for the location of the voice through the hordes of guests. He finally spotted Elise and with a smile made his way over.

"Elise, I'm so glad you could make it! And this must be Jamie," he said shaking his hand firmly. "I read your latest editorial for "The New Yorker", excellent work."

Jamie smiled awkwardly. "Thank you. Congratulations on the new book. The reviews are saying great things about it."

Tristan gave a smile that plainly said, "Yes I know," annoying Jamie with his not-so-subtle arrogance.

"Oh there's someone I'd like you to meet." He lightly took the arm of a nearby tall blonde in a figure-flattering black dress. She whipped around and Jamie gave an audible gasp.

"Catherine Hiatt, I'd like you to meet a colleague of mine Elise Cruz and her husband, Jamie Wellerstein." Cathy's mouth dropped slightly at the sight of Jamie, looking as though she was standing in front of oncoming traffic, and Jamie was an eighteen-wheeler. Aware that she hadn't said anything yet, she shook her head and extended her hand.

"Elise, its wonderful to meet you. Tristan speaks very highly of you and your work." Blushing, she met Jamie's gaze, "Nice to see you again, Jamie."

Tristan and Elise shared a look of confusion. "Have you two met?" Tristan asked puzzled.

Both Jamie and Cathy opened their mouths to speak when they were suddenly interrupted by a booming voice.

"Tristan! Come with me, there are some people I need to introduce my newest best-selling author to," a large older gentleman, who Jamie assumed was Tristan's publisher, said jovially.

"I'll be right there Mr. Aldridge. Elise would you mind coming along? I want to show off the woman who gave me my big break," he said with a wink. "I'll be right back, Cat," he said to Cathy before kissing her lightly on the cheek and taking an all too enthusiastic Elise by the arm and walked away with pride in his step.

Jamie and Cathy stood there awkwardly, avoiding each other's eyes. _How is it in a city of eight million people I've managed to run into my ex-wife twice in a matter of two days?_ Jamie asked himself. The impulse to feel rose within him again, but was stifled by the sight of Cathy. Time had been good to her looks, adding sophistication and elegance that could stop any man in his tracks. Her golden hair was tied in a loose bun, revealing her long neck that at one time Jamie couldn't resist. The short black dress accentuated every curve of her body, revealing smooth and sun-kissed skin.

Jamie's gawking was ceased by the presence of a waiter carrying a tray full of sparkling drinks.

"Champagne?"

_God yes_, Jamie thought as he grabbed the nearest glass. Cathy smiled politely. "Yes please, thank you," she said as her neatly manicured hands lifted the crystal glass to her lips to take a small sip.

"So what are the odds? You're dating my wife's protégé," Jamie said after a long swig of champagne. "I have to say, I'm a writer, and even I didn't see that one coming, _Cat,"_ he said, emphasizing the nickname Tristan had bestowed upon Cathy.

She rolled her eyes with a smile. "Oh come on, I've been called Cathy my entire life. Its nice to have something new to go by," she said with a pseudo-confidence that Jamie knew she didn't mean.

"I must say, I thought after me you wouldn't think of getting involved with another writer. I guess I was mistaken," Jamie said with more bitterness in his voice than he intended.

Cathy flinched and cleared her throat. "I have a steadier career now, I can be more flexible in my social life."

"Yes, its great that you can afford this time to support him at these little get-togethers," Jamie said, growing angrier by the minute.

She stepped back, stung by his hurtful words. "Jamie, don't start, not now…"

"All I'm saying is that he's luck to have someone who will support him at these stuffy parties. Not a lot of people would." _What the hell are you doing?_ he yelled at himself. _You don't mean any of this_. But it was too late. A dam of emotions five years in the making had burst open and Jamie couldn't stop it.

"I can't deal with this right now, I'm sorry…" she said with a shaky voice and turned from Jamie.

"Five years later and you're still walking away from me. Some things never change," Jamie cried out, his voice booming above the murmuring of the party.

"Jamie," Elise appeared from the crowd. "What the hell are you—"

Grabbing his coat, Jamie stormed out of the apartment, without bothering to look back.


	4. Chapter 4: The Balancing Act

**A/N: Okay, so the last chapter was not the happiest of times for our dynamic duo. And to be honest, neither is this one. But have patience, dear readers, things will brighten up soon. Many thanks go to my car stereo for putting up with the constant playing of TL5Y I did for "research". And as always, thanks to Molly for just being Molly.**

**Disclaimer: Credit goes to Jason Robert Brown**

The angry run-in with Jamie left Cathy infuriated and on edge for the next few days. Work was already stressful enough without adding a deep pain she thought she had escaped from five years ago. The divorce was supposed to put an end to her crying over him, and yet she found herself now holding back a fountain of tears at night. She had tried so desperately to not let his words get to her, but how could it not? Did he think it was only hard for him to see his ex with someone else? Hearing him refer to Elise as his wife sent an ache and fierce pangs of jealousy through her heart. But none of that mattered anymore. She put the night behind her, chocking it up to one more affirmation that the split had been the right decision. Their marriage was long over, and besides the two coincidental encounters in two days, she had no intention of ever seeing him again. And yet…

The blaring ring from her office phone snapped Cathy back from her wandering mind. Frustrated, she picked up the phone and said with agitation "Cathy Hiatt."

"Hi, Cathy…its Jamie," a small voice squeaked from the receiver. Cathy let out an exasperated sigh. She had half a mind to hang up then and save herself from inevitable anger and pain. But something inside her told her to stay on the phone, give him a chance. _You spent most of your marriage refusing to talk to him, you can at least do this._

"Hi Jamie," she said flatly.

"I called to apologize about the other night. I was completely out of line and had no right to treat you like that," he said with sincerity. Cathy softened at the sound of sorrow in his voice. _God, he makes it so hard to be mad at him._

"You're right, I didn't deserve that. But, then again, it had been a surreal couple of days. Neither of us was thinking clearly." With a pause, she added, "Thank you for the apology, I really appreciate it."

"Look, can I make it up to you? Have dinner with me tomorrow night. Any place, you name it."

Cathy hesitated. She was torn between the part of her that said having dinner with her ex-husband would be wrong and unwise, and the part of her that wanted more than anything to have one more evening with him. A chance to set things right and bring a sense of closure on the relationship that she had been wanting for five years.

"There's a Thai restaurant on 56th. Meet me there at 7?" she asked, hoping the loud pounding of her heart wasn't audible through the phone.

"Sounds perfect," he said with a grin in his voice. "I'll see you then."

Cathy hung up the phone, returning to work with a new appreciation for her office number being listed in the phone book.

_Green. Blue. No, green. Or maybe black. But I wore black to the party. Definitely green…but maybe blue? _Cathy stood in front of her full-length mirror the next night, holding up multiple tops in front of her to decide which one would be best for dinner. Her tabby cat, Anita, sat on the edge of the bed with her head tilted in curiosity as she watched Cathy pace back and forth pulling out random pieces of clothing from her closet. Cathy felt slightly ridiculous putting this much effort into an outfit, but she told herself repeatedly that she was only doing it so she could feel her best and most confident in front of Jamie, to show him the new and independent woman she had become. Seeing that it was already a quarter to seven, she quickly decided on the blue top to bring out the blue in her eyes, finished making herself look presentable, and went on her way to the restaurant. She arrived to find Jamie already at a table, twiddling his thumbs and rapidly tapping his foot. Tossing her hair back and holding her head high, Cathy strolled over to the table, her blue heels clacking on the tile floor. Seeing her approach, Jamie quickly got up to pull her chair out.

"That's not necessary you know," she said, as she sat.

"I know," he said pushing her chair in and returning to his seat. He smiled broadly. "You look great."

Cathy had been so distracted by his unusual chivalry, she was taken aback at how sharp Jamie looked in a white button-down shirt and slacks. _He always cleaned up nicely_, she thought smiling to herself. "So do you."

Casual small talk was made as they sipped their drinks and picked lightly at their food. Their obvious nervousness caused them to do more staring at their meals than actual eating. After an unbearably long and awkward conversation about the weather, Cathy racked her brain for a new subject.

"So, what did Elise have to say about this dinner?" _That's good, Cathy._ _Bring up the new wife, that won't make things awkward_, she thought sarcastically.

Jamie cleared his throat. "She's actually out of town. Random House needed her for some meetings in L.A. She's gone for a couple of weeks."

Cathy took a large gulp of her white wine. "I see."

"And Tristan?" Jamie asked with reluctance.

"He's been working late nights, getting ready for the book tour and all. He leaves in a couple days, so I haven't really had a chance to talk to him…" her voice trailed off. _Why did you go in to all of that? Was that really necessary?_

"Look, let's stop this," Jamie said suddenly, gesturing to the miles of tense space that seemed to lie between them. "This is only awkward because we're making it so. If this happens to be the last time we ever see each other, I want to be able to think back on it contently, not with regret. So can we just relax, enjoy each other's company, and not let things be weird?"

Cathy let out a relieved sigh, one that she felt she had been holding in through all of dinner. "I'd like that a lot."

"Good," Jamie said with a grin. "Let's get out of here."

They spent the next few hours wandering the streets of the city, talking and laughing as though no time or divorce had ever occurred. For the first time in years, Cathy was able to look at Jamie not as her ex-husband, but as the man she had long ago admired.

"Do you miss acting?" Jamie asked.

"Sometimes," Cathy said with a shrug. "I miss the way I felt when I was on stage. Total freedom, the ability to transform into this other person, even if it was only for a couple of hours. I could leave my problems at the stage door and become immersed in this whole other world. But I don't miss the struggle that went with it. Not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from, abnormal hours, it just got to be too---Aaah!" Cathy tripped on the pavement, tumbling face first onto the sidewalk.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" Jamie asked with concern.

"Other than my dignity being completely gone…Oh, hell." Her knee had been scraped badly from the fall.

"Cath that doesn't look good at all, we should—"

"No, I'm fine, really," though the limp in her walk said otherwise.

"No you're not. Look, we're not too far from my place. Let's go get that cleaned up," Jamie insisted.

With reluctance, Cathy was led back to Jamie's apartment, leaning on his shoulder for support. She sat on the couch, observing the place Jamie now called home while he retrieved a bandage and antiseptic for the cut.

"Okay, this is going to sting a little," he said as he lightly dabbed the scrape with the ointment.

Cathy winced, instinctively moving her hand toward her knee.

"No, don't—" Jamie placed his hand on hers in an effort to stop her from touching the gash.

They stared at their hands, neither one moving them. _Uh oh._ Quickly, Cathy retracted her hand, blushing from the unexpected contact. Jamie avoided her eyes as he placed the bandage across her knee, his fingers lightly brushing her leg.

_Okay, time to get out of here. Now,_ Cathy thought with a slight panic. "Thanks for the help Jamie, but I'd better be going." As she tried to stand, her weak knee buckled and losing her balance, she fell forward right into Jamie's arms.

"Whoa there, you okay?" Jamie said, helping her back up, his arms still holding her firmly around the waist.

"Yeah, just having a bit of trouble walking tonight," Cathy laughed nervously, looking down at the floor. When she raised her head, she found herself six inches from Jamie's face, breathing in his familiar scent of soap and aftershave. Cathy felt as though her heart would pound out of her chest as she stared into his eyes, searching desperately for what was going through his head.

"Cathy, I…" Jamie said softly.

"It's getting late," Cathy interjected before he could get another word out. "Thank you for dinner," she said as she hobbling towards the door, refusing to meet his eyes. "Goodnight Jamie," she said gently, closing the door slowly behind her.

Cathy watched the rain lightly fall against the window of the taxi, mirroring the soft stream of tears that began to run down her cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5: Earth Shattering

**A/N: Okay so this was actually going to be my last chapter. But then I decided that there was much more that I wanted to write about it. So have no fear, there are more chapters to come! And I apologize for the slow update; I got food poisoning and was in no condition to be writing. Thanks to my local coffee shop for giving me a place to escape to for my writing sprees. And of course muchos gracias to Molly and Caitlin for all of the encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: --checks watch—Nope, still not mine.**

"So did you nail her?" Rick asked nonchalantly.

Jamie nearly spit out his beer at the question. "Rick, please." Jamie didn't even want to be in the poor excuse for a bar he currently found himself in, but his old college buddy had dragged him out of his house, assuring that it would be "good for him." _Good for who exactly?_ he wondered as he saw Rick glancing at skinny, big-busted women nearly half his age out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm just saying, you did everything right: pulled the hero card helping her back to your place, kissing her boo-boo—"

"I never—" Jamie protested.

"Whatever, the point is, she had to have been in the palm of your hand. So was it good? I mean, the first time in five years.." Rick whistled, indicating the passionate sex he assumed had taken place.

"Okay first of all, you are _really_ not helping. And secondly, nothing happened," Jamie said, taking another swig of beer. "Even if parts of me—" he paused at the unplanned innuendo, but then continued, "are wanting something to happen, how can I even think about that possibility?" holding up his left hand that wore a silver wedding band.

"It didn't stop you before," Rick said bluntly.

"And look where it got me: Twenty-eight years old and divorced. Do I really want to be thirty-three and divorced twice?"

"Are you going to see her again?" Rick asked with genuine interest.

Jamie shook his head. "I don't know. I'm not planning on it, but with the way life has been going these days, we could easily wind up hailing for the same cab you know?"

Luckily for Jamie, it was a rhetorical question since Rick, preoccupied with a brunette that had walked in, was obviously not listening. Jamie rolled his eyes and threw down a few bills on the bar to pay for his drink. "I'll see you later, man," he said as he headed for the exit.

"Hey James," Rick called. Jamie turned around.

"On the off chance you do see her again…" he raised his beer bottle. "Good luck."

Jamie took advantage of the unusually warm evening and took to walking home, giving him an opportunity to clear his head without Rick's one-track-mind interrupting. The red and gold foliage in the trees adorned with white lights framed him as he strolled along the street, kicking a pebble as he went. As was typical in the recent days, his mind wandered to Cathy. Jamie had come to terms with the notion that his serendipitous encounters with her were not just coincidence, but second chances to put the close on the relationship it always deserved. So much needed to be said, and they had both been to hurt and angry to say it before. He wanted to make things right, so that if they ever did run into each other in the future, it would be with warm feelings and satisfaction, not heart-wrenching regret. By the time he reached the apartment, he had decided he would call Cathy to finally have the discussion that was five years in the making. But as he walked in, he found someone who had other plans.

"There you are!" Elise threw her arms around Jamie's neck.

"Elle! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be gone for another week," Jamie said startled at his wife's early return.

"I know, but I changed my plans! The tour is going great; they'll all survive without me. I'm sorry, do you need time to get rid of the blonde in the back?"

Jamie panicked. "I—what are you talking about?" he sputtered.

She grinned. "Honey, I'm kidding! Relax, are you okay? You look pale."

"Yeah, sorry, I'm fine, just surprised—but happy, to see you" he said, still disoriented.

"I'm happy to see you too," she whispered, kissing him softly and playing with the buttons on his shirt.

_I know where this is going_. Jamie pulled her hands away. "You know, I actually was just about to make a phone call…"

Elise laughed. "At 11:30 at night? Nice try," she said as she began to lead him towards the bedroom.

Jamie sighed, exasperated. "Look, I'm sorry, I'm just not…I've got a lot of work to do okay?"

"Yeah and by the smell on your breath, I can tell you've been working _really_ hard," Elise said bitterly.

"It was Rick's idea, not mine. I know it's impossible for you to imagine doing something other than working, but don't punish me for having a social life."

Elise's mouth gaped open, shocked at the harsh words coming from her husband. "What is the matter with you? I come home after being gone for a week and _this_ is the welcome I get? I don't know what's going on, but you've been acting like a completely different the past few weeks and its really starting to worry me."

"Oh how would you know how I've been acting Elise, you're hardly around to have a single meal with me, let alone study every single change in my behavior! So excuse me for not greeting you with open arms, because the minute I do, you're off again on some God damned business trip! " Jamie shouted.

"Go to hell!" Elise cried and she stormed off into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Shaking with anger, Jamie grabbed a near by glass and threw it hard against the wall, shattering it into tiny pieces over the floor.


	6. Chapter 6: Curiosity

**A/N: Updates are coming less frequently these days because of work and rehearsal. But I haven't forgotten about this, I promise. Thank you to everyone for their reviews, they mean the world to me. My deepest gratitude goes to Molly and Caitlin for their amazing help and encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: Jamie and Cathy belong to Jason Robert Brown, pas moi.**

Cathy hummed a song to herself as she arranged a bouquet of lilies on her dining room table. It was a hobby she started in an effort to stir up the domestic goddess that was hiding in her somewhere. She stepped back to survey her work and frowned at the droopy flowers before her. _Close enough_, Cathy shrugged. Anything to keep her mind occupied so as not to think of…_No, stop it. Focus on the lilies, Cathy, focus on the lilies._ A loud pounding on her door interrupted her failing focus. She glanced at the clock at the wall, amazed by how late it was. _Who on earth…_she wondered with concern as she looked through the peephole. A disgruntled Jamie appeared in view. Cathy froze, unsure whether to ignore him or give in to the burning curiosity she had as to why he was outside her door at midnight. _I am so going to regret this, _she thought as she cautiously opened the door.

"Jamie what are you—"

"Oh good, you're up, I thought you might be," he said, moving past her into the apartment.

She closed the door after him, taken aback at his barging in. "Sure, come on in," she said sarcastically. He looked crazy, pacing back and forth across her living room, slightly trembling, and muttering incomprehensible words under his breath. It was clear he wasn't going to volunteer an explanation for his unannounced visit.

"Coffee?" Cathy asked, breaking the unbearable silence.

"Yeah, sure."

She moved to the kitchen, already regretting her decision to let him in. Every time she tried to push Jamie away, to go back to how things were before he re-entered her life, the universe seemed to bring him right back to her. Cathy silently thanked God that Tristan was still on his business trip and not around for this less-than-appropriate situation, She drummed her fingers on the counter impatiently, watching the coffee slowly drip into the pot.

An excruciating three minutes later, Cathy handed him his cup. "So do you always barge in to your ex wives' apartments after midnight or is this just your idea of spontaneity?"

"I know I know, I'm sorry. I just had to get out of there, and I—" Jamie paused, noticing the sad display of lilies. "Nice flowers," he said, stifling laughter.

"Shut up. What are you doing here?" The question had come up a lot lately, and she felt a headache begin as it was asked again.

He shifted uncomfortably. "We had a fight, it was awful. I mean we've fought before, but not like this."

Cathy closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead with her hand. "Please tell me you didn't come over here to talk about problems in your marriage. I'm your ex-wife Jamie, not your shrink."

"I know that! I just—I lost it and I didn't know where to go and you were the first person I thought of," his hands flew about in emphatic gestures, as they often did when he got flustered. "You've been the first person I think of a lot lately," Jamie said with a low voice, looking down at the floor.

"You don't mean that Jamie. You're only saying that because you just had a fight with Elise and you're angry. I think its best that you leave before you say something you regret, okay?" she said matter-of-factly, motioning to the door.

"What if I do mean it? What if I am being rational? Cathy, don't you get it? Finding each other again after all this time…we're being given a second chance. Are you really going to ignore it?" He moved closer to her as he spoke, his voice strong and his eyes not moving from her.

"You're reading too much into all of this! Look, I admit, the past couple of weeks have been strange, but it's just a coincidence. You're about five years too late for second chances." Her voice started to quiver, making it difficult to present the strong front she so desperately needed to put up. Jamie moved in even closer, holding her face with his hands, his eyes boring into her. "What are you so afraid of?" he whispered, inching his face to hers so that they were nose-to-nose.

Suddenly the sound of shuffling feet came from the hallway, startling the two and causing them to break apart from their gaze. A sleepy, blonde-haired boy of about five in Batman pajamas appeared in the living room, staring at the flustered pair.

"Mommy, I heard noises and I woke up." He stared at Jamie and pointed. "Who's that?"

Cathy rushed over to the boy and kneeled beside him. "Mommy is just having a talk with her friend. Everything's okay, go back to bed, sweetie," she said quietly, brushing his tousled hair back. The child gave one more look at Jamie before toddling back down the hall. Cathy sighed and put her face in her hands, avoiding having to look at Jamie. When she finally turned around to face him, the color from his face had vanished and he stood gaping at the spot where the boy had just been.

She cleared her throat. "I guess I'm the one who owes an explanation now."


	7. Chapter 7: Familial Ties

**A/N: Yes I know, it's been awhile. But I really wanted to take my time with this chapter. Thank you to Molly for the publishing/editing profession talk. And as always thank you to Caitlin for the never-ending encouragement. Thank you, as well, to all those who reviewed, it is so appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: Doesn't belong to me, sadly.**

There were no words. For the first time in his life, Jamie Wellerstein, critically acclaimed author who was paid to come up with words, was speechless. Cathy had a son. He felt sick and dizzy, searching the room for a place to sit before he fell over. He settled on the couch, hands clasped tightly and staring off at nothing in particular. _How did this happen? When did this happen?_

Cathy was now pacing around the room, obviously straining to find a way to begin her explanation. Finally she stopped and sat beside Jamie. "What do you want to know first?" she asked softly.

Jamie's voice trembled as he spoke: "Is he mine?"

Cathy took a deep breath. "Yes."

_My God._ "When did you know?"

"A month after you left."

"A month!" Jamie exclaimed loudly, but hushing himself as he remembered the child—_his_ child—sleeping just a few rooms over. His body was shaking with anger. "How—how could you not tell me? How could you deprive me of being there for him?"

"I didn't—I didn't think you would want it. You had this whole new life, I thought maybe you wouldn't have room for a baby."

"So you just assumed that huh? You didn't even bother asking me. Jesus, Cathy, how selfish can you be?"

"I was so hurt. And if I had gone to you, told you I was pregnant, and you rejecting it…I don't think I could have bared it."

Jamie could hear her holding back tears, and his anger subsided, leaving him with a dull pain that seared through his heart. He had missed out on the first five years of his son's life, five years he would never get back. He wondered what he would have done if Cathy had told him. Would he have stuck around? Would he have given things another try, if nothing else but for his son's sake? Jamie wanted to believe that he would have, but realized that there was no way of ever knowing what could have been. What mattered was the present, and being part of…

"I don't even know his name," Jamie said flatly.

"Noah." Cathy said with a small smile.

"Comfort," Jamie remembered as years of Hebrew school came flooding back. Cathy's smile grew as she nodded in affirmation.

Then Jamie could hold back no longer, he burst into tears and pulled Cathy toward him in a long embrace. She too began to cry and for what seemed like years and seconds all at the same time, they held each other, finding surprising comfort within the multitude of emotions surging inside of them.

When he felt he could cry no longer, Jamie gave a long sigh and regained composure. "I want to get to know him Cathy. I've already missed five years; I don't think I can bear to miss five more. I want to be his father. Please."

"I think he'd like that," Cathy said as she dried her eyes. "_I_ would really like that."

Jamie returned home emotionally exhausted. He had stayed at Cathy's well into the night, asking her every question he could think of about their child, how he would enter his life, and left with the agreement that the three of them would spend the next day in Central Park together. Jamie's preoccupation with the discovery of Noah had caused him to temporarily forget his earlier fight with Elise. Coming home to a dark and cold house instantly reminded him. A pillow and a think blanket had been thrown on the sofa, an indication of the sleeping arrangement for the evening. _Figures_, he thought to himself but realized he was too tired, and too ecstatic about the next day, to care.

The night seemed unbearably long as Jamie lied on the couch, staring at the ceiling sick with anxiety over the next day. It had occurred to him that it was too late to form a bond with his son; what if his efforts were rejected? Visions of Noah going through years of therapy because of his dead-beat dad haunted Jamie as he tossed and turned, desperately seeking sleep. Morning finally came and he awoke to find Elise already gone for work, leaving behind a note on the kitchen table.

_Dinner tonight. We need to talk._

_E._

Jamie rolled his eyes. _Eloquent_. He then mentally chastised himself for still being angry with her. He would drop quite a bomb on her that evening, and she didn't even know it. Jamie pushed down the guilt that had started to rise in him. He had other things to think about. _Besides_ he thought with a nervous smile. _My son is waiting._

His nervousness brought him to the Central Park carousel about fifteen minutes early, even with the stop to pick up a toy truck for Noah and a lily for Cathy. He sat on a park bench, observing other families basking in the crisp fall morning. He smiled as he watched fathers with their children, giving them rides on their shoulders, or helping them eat an ice cream cone that was entirely too big for them to hold. The anxiety Jamie had felt all morning heightened as he wondered if he could ever have these moments with Noah.

A mother and son began walking toward him, the woman grinning broadly while the little boy walked closely behind her, clutching her hand tightly. Jamie smiled nervously. _They're here._

"Hi," Cathy said breathlessly, excitement bursting in her voice. Jamie kissed her on the cheek.

"Good morning. This is for you," he said handing her the flower. "To add to your collection."

"Thank you," she said, her smile growing wider. A tug on her on her blouse brought her attention to worried Noah. She knelt beside him.

"Noah, this Jamie Wellerstein, your father." She spoke clearly with a matter-of-fact tone, as though it was everyday that children met their fathers for the first time. Noah eyed Jamie and then cautiously extended his small hand. "It's very nice to meet you."

Jamie smiled. _He's been prepped._ He shook his hand. "Well it's very nice to meet you too. Here, I thought you might like this," he presented him with the small toy truck. Noah looked up at Cathy for her approval. When she nodded, he eagerly took the gift and began to roll it around on the ground.

"Young man, what do you say?" Cathy scolded.

"Thank you!" Noah exclaimed, not taking his eyes off the new toy.

"You're very welcome." Jamie studied Noah: he was everything he had imagined his and Cathy's child to look like. The messy shag of dirty blonde hair was unmistakably Jamie's while his bright blue eyes came from Cathy. He had her nose and ears too, to Jamie's delight, but was most proud that his son had inherited his broad smile. It had always been the Wellerstein men's best feature. Jamie stared longingly at his son, overwhelmed with love and pride for this human being he had known for just a day. He kissed Cathy on the cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

"For what?"

"For him."

Noah clung to Jamie's side for the rest of the day, as though no time had passed between them. He was certainly a talker, recounting Jamie with stories of kindergarten and Little League, with Cathy jumping at certain points to clear up the five-year-old's embellishments. The three of them resembled something out of a Norman Rockwell painting, strolling through Central Park, Noah holding an ice cream cone in one hand and Jamie's hand in the other. The sun began to set, signaling to Cathy the end of the idyllic day.

"Alright mister," she said to Noah, who was being pushed on the swings by Jamie. "Time to get going."

Noah shook his head, his mouth turning into a pout. Jamie halted the swing and scooped him up out of it. "Come on buddy." He knelt in front of him so that they were eye-level.

"Did you have fun today?"

"Yeah! Let's do it again tomorrow!"

Jamie smiled. "Not tomorrow kiddo, but soon okay? If that's okay with your mom." He looked upward at Cathy, whose eyes were glistening with small tears. She nodded.

Jamie opened his arms. "Do I get a hug?" No sooner had the question been asked than Noah threw his arms around Jamie, holding on tightly. It was Jamie's turn to well up as he returned his son's strong hug before reluctantly letting go. He stood up and took Cathy in a long hug.

"Thanks again Cath."

She broke away to look at him. "Thank _you_, Jamie." She kissed him on the cheek, then took Noah's hand and led him away, both of them turning back one last time to wave goodbye.

Jamie walked home delirious with happiness. His heart was filled with a determination and drive to be the best father to Noah he could, no matter what it took. He walked into the apartment and leaned against the door, letting out a long and satisfied sigh. His eyes fell over the apartment, which was now filled with cardboard boxes scattered across table-tops and stacked in corners. He frowned.

"Elise?"

She came from the bedroom, carrying a laundry basket with folded neat clothes. She set it on the coffee table, not looking up at him. "Hello there."

The coldness in her voice set Jamie on edge.

"Uhh, what's going on?"

Elise cleared her throat, her face hard and concentrated. "I got some interesting news at work today."

Jamie raised his eyebrows. "Okay…"

"They want me to be chief editor at the new publishing branch."

"Well that's great! You've worked really hard, you deserve it." He said with sincerity, his guilt for their earlier fight tugging at him.

She finally looked at him, with an intensity that further unnerved Jamie. "The new branch is in L.A."

His heart dropped. "California?"

Elise started packing the folded clothes in a nearby empty box. "That's the one. They want us there by the end of the month."

"What? Were you planning on talking to me about this?"

"I thought that's what we were doing, dear."

Jamie's mouth ran dry. "Do I have any say in this?"

She shrugged. "I don't really see the problem. This is a big opportunity for me and you have a job that you can easily do anywhere. There's nothing tying you down to New York."

Jamie hung his head. _Just my son._


	8. Chapter 8: Confessions

**A/N: So okay, I know you all hate me for being gone this long without updating. It's a long story, let's just leave it at is being weird on my computer. But I'm on my friend's computer right now so all is well! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Even after all this time, it's still not mine.**

"American Airlines flight 32 now arriving in gate 12."

Cathy wrung her hands. She was thrilled about Tristan coming home from his book tour, but less than thrilled of having to explain all that happened while he was away. When she had Tristan had first started dating just a few months earlier, all she had told him about her previous marriage was that it had ended badly and that Noah's father had left before he was born. She never mentioned that the man was in fact, Jamie. Even after the encounter with him at Tristan's publishing party, Cathy thought she would never see Jamie again and felt there was no sense in explaining their complicated relationship. But now with Jamie starting to become such a prominent figure in Noah's life, it was time to come clean.

Tristan's tall stature appeared from the crowd of passengers exiting the plane, a grin spreading on his face as he spotted Cathy and Noah. He walked briskly toward them, scooping Cathy up off the ground into a hug.

"I missed you so much," he whispered in her ear. Guilt gnawed at Cathy's heart. Tristan had been so good to her and Noah in the short time they had been together and hated the thought of betraying his trust.

"Hey buddy!" Tristan picked Noah up. "My goodness, I think you grew while I was gone! You're going to be as tall as me pretty soon," he said with a wink at the blonde haired boy.

"How was the trip?" Cathy asked, linking her arm in Tristan's as they walked toward baggage claim.

"Successful! The book got a lot of much-needed publicity, and people seem to be responding well to it. I just hope I don't have to do another one for a long time; I'm tired of living out of hotels. And what did you two do while I was gone?"

"I met my dad!" Noah proclaimed with a smile.

_Shit_. Cathy's heart pounded as she watched Tristan's face twist in confusion and bewilderment.

"What—what is he talking about?" he said quietly.

"We'll talk about it later," she whispered back. "Okay let's get a move on!" Cathy said in a louder voice, trying to stop Noah from saying anything more. "I'm making a special dinner for Tristan's homecoming." Tristan forced a smile at her, his eyes still plagued with worry.

That night, after Noah had gone to bed, Cathy explained everything to Tristan; her marriage to Jamie, discovering she was pregnant after the ugly divorce, and the recent reappearance of Jamie in both her, and Noah's life. Tristan remained quiet through the whole story, nodding at particular points and maintaining a look of stern concentration.

"And when he found out about Noah, I couldn't just push him away. He already missed so much because of my assumptions. Plus, Noah deserves to know who his father is. And they get along so great together Tristan, really, you should see them together." Cathy was breathless and stopped her rambling, giving Tristan a chance to talk.

"I understand your reasons for not telling me about yours and Jamie's marriage. I even understand you not telling him that you were pregnant. But Cat, do you really think this is such a good idea letting this guy back into your life? It was bad enough when he hurt you, what if he hurts Noah?"

"Jamie wouldn't do that. He already loves him so much. Yes he walked out on our marriage, but I know he won't walk out on our son."

Tristan frowned. "I hope you're right. God, this whole time, I never knew you were married to Jamie Wellerstein, New York Times best-selling author. I looked up to him and his work, and now I just see him as your shitty ex-husband."

"Come on that's not fair. We were young when we got married, we didn't know what the hell we were doing. You have to separate his personal life with his work. He's a brilliant writer," her voice trailed off dreamily. She snapped back when Tristan cleared his throat.

"But he will soon pale in comparison once your book starts climbing that list," Cathy said, patting his hand in reassurance. Tristan stood from the dining room chair and enveloped Cathy in a passionate kiss. When they pulled apart, he held her chin with his hand and stared at her intently.

"I love you Cat."

It was the first time he had said it, and Cathy couldn't help but wonder if it was only because Tristan felt threatened by Jamie. _No, of course not. He's a grown man. He _does_ love me._

"I love you too," she replied softly. And she meant it.

While Cathy was unfolding her story to Tristan, Jamie was confessing a similar one to Elise.

"You have a _kid_? With _her_?" Elise's voice screeched.

"Elle, believe me, if I had known I would have told you! I just found out a couple days ago, and it was by accident."

Elise paced around the living room, her hand to her forehead. "Well are you sure it's yours?"

Jamie rolled his eyes. "She found out a month after we split. Of course _he's_ mine. What exactly are you trying to imply?"

"Well come on Jamie, it's not like your marriage had high marks in fidelity."

"_This_ marriage is a result of infidelity, you really want to chastise it?"

Elise sighed as she plopped down on the couch. "So how are you going to break it to her?"

"Break what?"

"That we're moving. I mean you just now met your son, made amends with her, it's going to be hard explaining why we have to leave New York."

"Okay, hold on. _You_ decided that we were moving before you knew about any of this. It's not just about you and me anymore, we have to think about Noah."

"Why should my career be held back because of _your_ son?"

Jamie's temper began to flare. "This is also _your_ step-son. I know you never wanted kids, Elle, but it's not like that Tiffany's bracelet I bought you. You can't just return him!"

"Christ, Jamie, I'm not saying return him! I'm just saying that you went five years without ever knowing you had a child. Now we're in this great place where we can make a healthy change in our lives by moving to L.A. and you want to throw it all away! Plenty of fathers make this kind of thing work: you'll get him a couple weeks during the summer, over Christmas break…"

He opened his mouth to yell, but stopped to regain his rationality. "Elle," he said softly, his voice pleading, "I can't leave him. I'm making him apart of my life." He paused as he felt his throat tighten. "But I can't do that on the other side of the country. If your career is more important than making this work, then by all means, go to L.A. But I'm not going with you."


	9. Chapter 9: Interesting

**AN: I know, it's been awhile. But here you go! And thank you so much for the reviews, they mean the world to me!**

**Disclaimer: Jamie and Cathy aren't mine…but Noah and Tristan are! Hooray!**

Jamie spun his wedding band on the coffee table, watching the flurry of silver twirl before it fell with a clang on the wooden surface. _Divorced. Twice._ It had been his inner mantra since Elise had left him only a week after he told her he wouldn't be following her to Los Angeles. She wasted no time in sending the divorce papers and hiring movers to collect all of her things from their apartment, leaving Jamie surrounded by painfully bare walls and little furniture. He glanced at his watch; Cathy would be by with Noah soon. Jamie was getting the weekend with him, the only thing that was cheering him up amidst the divorce proceedings. He rubbed his palms together, nervous at the thought of having to tell Cathy about his split from Elise, as he couldn't begin to guess what her reaction might be. Happiness? Relief? Indifference? A buzz from the loudspeaker indicated that he would find out soon enough. He pressed down on the "talk" button.

"Hello?"

"We're here!" Noah's cheerful voice replied.

Jamie grinned. "Come on up!"

Seconds later, a knock came at the door. With a final deep breath, Jamie opened the door and nearly toppled over from the five-year-old charging at his legs.

"Whoa! You're going to knock your old man down one of these days, kiddo."

Noah beamed up at him. "Bye Mom!" he said, not even glancing at Cathy.

"So quick to get rid of me huh? I'll let you boys get to your weekend soon, but can I at least come in for a bit?"

"Yeah, there's something I need to talk to you about anyway," Jamie said to her in a low voice.

Cathy frowned as she and Noah walked into the nearly desolate apartment.

"Hey kiddo, go put your stuff down in your room okay? I need to talk to your Mom for a second."

Noah sped off down the hall. Cathy surveyed the near-empty living room.

"Robbers?" she teased.

"Not quite. Have a seat," he offered gently.

They sat together on the couch, one of the few remaining items of furniture left.

"Elise got a job offer in Los Angeles."

Cathy's face fell. "Oh God, you're moving? No Jamie you can't do this! Noah's just getting to know you and he's already so used to having you here! How could you—"?

"No no! Wait a minute! You didn't let me finish…I told her I wasn't going with her, Cath. I explained how I couldn't leave Noah behind, and she left without me. We're getting a divorce."

"Oh." Cathy's eyes widened. "That's...interesting."

"My second divorce is interesting?"

"No, I mean…I'm sorry."

He shrugged with a sigh. "Don't be. She and I have different priorities. I can't be with someone who doesn't think of my son as number one."

She smiled. "Well he appreciates it. He hasn't been able to stop talking about this weekend."

"Are you looking forward to a weekend off from motherhood?"

"Am I bad mother if I say 'yes'?" Cathy laughed. "Tristan and I are going away for the weekend, upstate. He's got this amazing ranch house out there that he's been dying to show me."

"Oh, well…have fun." Jamie forced a smile.

Noah rushed back into the room. "Are you guys _still_ talking?"

"No, we're done. But I'll only leave if you give me a hug," Cathy squeezed Noah tightly. "Stay out of trouble you two."

She gave one last smile and wave before walking out the door, leaving Jamie and Noah alone for the first time since they'd met.

Jamie stared at the door after she had left, his mind going crazy over the thought of her spending the weekend with another man. But remembering his new houseguest, he turned his attentions to Noah.

"Okay kiddo," he clapped his hands. "What sounds good for dinner?"

Noah shrugged.

"Let's see what we have," Jamie opened up cabinets and the refrigerator looking for anything to cook. He found only empty Chinese food cartons and beer. _Bachelor food_, he thought with disgust.

"Looks like we're ordering in tonight. You like pizza? Wait…are you allowed to have pizza?" He started to panic as his lack of knowledge about his kid, or parenting in general became evident.

Noah shrugged again.

"Okay, pizza it is."

Thirty minutes later, Jamie and Noah were dining on classic New York pizza and Coke, a meal Jamie wasn't entirely sure Cathy would approve of. But Noah's smiling tomato-sauce covered face made whatever repercussions might come later worth it.

"So Noah," Jamie started uncomfortably. "What do you think of Tristan?"

"He's really nice! Mommy likes him a lot. And he took us to a Jets game a couple weeks ago!"

_Figures, he doesn't even like the Giants._ Jamie thought to himself.

Noah's bright blue eyes twinkled at him. "Don't worry Jamie, Mommy likes you a lot too."

Jamie was astonished at his young son's intuition. Was his jealousy that obvious? If Noah could pick up on it, certainly Cathy could. But even in his worrisome state, he let a smile play across his lips at his son's comforting words.

"Thanks kiddo. Now finish up and grab your coat."

"Where are we going?" Noah furrowed his small eyebrows.

"I'm taking you to a Giants game to show you _real_ football."

Cathy stared at the fire flickering in the stone fireplace, sipping a glass of champagne while being held tightly in Tristan's arms. She was reveling in the beauty of his property in upstate New York, sitting on four acres far from the noise and bustle of the city. Though she felt guilty for thinking it, a weekend away from work and the stress of a precocious five-year old was exactly what Cathy needed.

"Mmm…" she murmured.

"Was that a happy 'mmm'?" Tristan smiled.

"I don't remember the last time I let myself just do something for me."

"You should do it more often, you deserve it," Tristan said kissing her forehead.

"As long as this house is around, I think I just might."

She closed her eyes as Tristan played with her long blonde hair. Her thoughts started drifting to Noah, wondering what he and Jamie were up to. Jamie: his father. She smiled to herself at the thought of the two of them bonding, Jamie helping him with his homework while she cooked dinner…Cathy blinked her eyes open at the day dream that floated through her mind. It frightened and bothered her that she could think about her ex-husband while lying in the arms of her boyfriend.

She felt Tristan fumble for something in his pocket.

"Hey Cat?"

"Hmm?" she said, still lost in her thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just wondering if Jamie is doing okay with Noah. He can be handful and Jamie is a bit new to this whole parenting thing," Cathy said with a laugh.

She felt Tristan's body tense at the mention of Jamie's name. She sat up to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

He frowned and shook his head. "Nothing." Tristan began to get up from the couch before Cathy grabbed his hand, pulling him back.

"Come on, I can't even mention his name? Please stop worrying, I love _you_."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just very protective when it comes to you," he said, stroking her knee.

"And I love you for it," she said with a reassuring smile, kissing him softly.

"I love you too," his face growing more serious. "And I love Noah. You know I would do anything for you two right?"

Cathy bit her lip out of nervousness. "Of course. Tristan are you sure you're okay?"

"I haven't been happier since I've been with you," he said pulling her into a more passionate kiss.

Cathy started to say more, but was quickly kept quiet. She would worry later; now it was all about her, Tristan, and becoming lost in each other in the quiet fall night.


	10. Chapter 10: Remember

**A/N: Whew, another update. I'm so glad you guys like the story and I can't thank you enough for your reviews! And Happy Holidays to everyone!**

Weeks passed, and the blustery golden days of fall soon turned into a white flurry of winter. Shops were now adorned with twinkling lights and Christmas wreaths, inviting the bustling city to begin their holiday purchasing. With it being the time for family togetherness, it was only natural that Jamie began spending even more time with Noah. He even indulged in taking him to see Santa at Macy's, followed closely by the most basic explanation of Hanukkah he could come up with.

"So we celebrate the miracle by lighting a candle and giving a gift each night for eight nights," Jamie concluded, as he and Noah made their way through the crowded department store.

"Eight nights?" Noah exclaimed in wonder. "So it's like Christmas every night!"

Jamie frowned. "Well, not exactly…" But before he could explain, he ran hard into a man in front of him.

"Excuse me, I'm so sorry—Tristan."

Tristan forced a smile. "Jamie. That's quite all right, I'm _sure_ it was an accident. Hey buddy," he knelt in front of Noah, ruffling his hair. "I'm glad I ran into you, I wanted to talk to you about something." He put a hand on Noah's back, leading him a few feet away from Jamie.

"Yes of course it's okay, don't mind me, I'll just be looking at—" he glanced at the display in front of him. "Jewelry." He rolled his eyes. _This isn't embarrassing._

Having nothing else the least bit masculine around to look at, he glanced casually at the collection of women's jewelry in front of him. There was a display of glistening diamond rings with a small sign in front that read: "Make it a Christmas to remember."

Jamie's thoughts led him back to the memory of his first Christmas with Cathy.

_Go ahead, open it._

_A watch! Jamie, it's beautiful!_

_Not just any watch, this is the watch that will give you unlimited time. Be an actress, do what you want to do, and most importantly, be happy. Be as happy as you've made me._

"Can I show you something, sir?" A salesperson asked.

"Uhh, no. Thanks anyway," Jamie cleared his throat, trying to shake off the slight ache his reminiscing had left him with. He saw Tristan leading Noah back in his direction.

"Thanks for the talk, buddy. I'll see you tonight at dinner okay?" Tristan said the last part loudly, making sure Jamie could hear him.

_I get it. You're in their life. Congratulations._

Tristan merely nodded at Jamie before disappearing into the throng of shoppers.

Jamie shot a glare at the back of his head before turning to Noah.

"What do you say, time for hot chocolate?"

Noah nodded excitedly.

Jamie took Noah's hand, pushing past people in an effort to get out of the stuffy department store. As they sipped their hot chocolate at Starbucks, Jamie was dying of curiosity as to what Tristan had to talk to Noah about, and why he couldn't talk about it in front of him.

"So…Noah," Jamie started awkwardly. "What did Tristan want to talk to you about?"

Noah took a gulp of his drink, leaving a trail of whipped cream on his upper lip that he made a show of licking off. "Something about a special present for Mommy. He wanted my pershimoon to give it to her."

"_Permission_," Jamie said, his writer habits on automatic. His eyes narrowed in worry. "Did he say what kind of present?"

"He showed me. It was this really shiny ring in a black box. Mommy wears lots of shiny things so I said it was okay!" He grinned, obviously proud of being a part of something so important.

Jamie's heart sunk. _This can't be happening._

"What's wrong Jamie?" Noah asked, seeing the sadness on his father's face.

Jamie forced a smile. "Nothing kiddo. Come on, time to get you home."

They arrived back at Cathy's apartment, greeted by the frantic sounds of pots clanging in the kitchen.

"We're back," Jamie called out, removing Noah's snow-covered coat and gloves.

Cathy appeared from the kitchen looking the picture of domesticity with her crisp apron and hair softly curled. She smiled broadly, "There's my favorite guy!"

Jamie's throat became dry until he quickly realized she was talking about Noah, who was running straight at her with open arms. She scooped him up, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"How was Santa?"

"Great! He promised me a new glove and the new Spiderman comic book!"

"Well that was awfully nice of him," she said putting him back on the ground. "Anything else exciting happen?" she asked glancing between Jamie and Noah.

Jamie began to open his mouth when Noah jumped in. "We saw Tristan!"

Cathy looked surprised. "Oh," she looked at Jamie, who was avoiding eye contact with her at all costs. "Noah, go wash up for dinner okay?"

Noah ran to the bathroom, and when he was out of earshot, Cathy turned to Jamie.

"So the Santa meet-and-greet was successful?"

"Oh yeah, Noah was thrilled. Not as thrilled with the Hanukkah discussion that followed," Jamie laughed.

"Did Tristan behave?" Cathy asked with concern.

Jamie hesitated. He couldn't tell her about Tristan's conversation with Noah, he wouldn't stoop that low. But it tore him apart to look at Cathy, so oblivious to the situation in which he was unwillingly involved.

"Yeah, it was fine, just surprising to run into him. I guess New York is smaller than we all thought," Jamie said trying to lighten the awkward situation.

Cathy moved closer to him, rapidly increasing Jamie's heartbeat. He was incredibly unnerved by the effect she was having on him. He hadn't felt this way about her since they had been—

_In love. _Jamie had to face it: he was still in love with her, and was starting to become convinced that he had never stopped. The sudden epiphany made it that much harder to look into the soft blue eyes peering with concern at him.

"Look, I know Tristan can be…hard to deal with. This just hasn't been easy for him, you suddenly reappearing after five years. He's just very protective of me."

"I don't blame him," Jamie said softly, never taking his eyes off Cathy. He had always been able to read her well, for her eyes always let on more than she ever said. He saw doubt, confusion, quite possibly a reciprocation of the feelings he silently bore.

The sound of the front door opening broke the eye contact between them, as Tristan walked in. He stopped at the sight of them, awkwardly moving apart and shuffling their feet.

"Am I interrupting something?" Tristan asked coldly, glaring at Jamie.

"No not at all, he was just dropping off Noah," Cathy said hurriedly and with a tad of defensiveness.

"Well looks like that's taken care of, so I guess you're on your way out right Jamie?" Tristan shot back.

Jamie wanted to hit him, but instead just nodded firmly.

"Yeah, I am. Enjoy your dinner."

Angry and hurt, Jamie walked out the door, shutting it forcefully behind him.

Jamie walked against the bitter cold stinging his face. He couldn't lose her, not to someone like Tristan who treated Cathy like property that Jamie was trespassing on. Something had to be done. He hailed a cab, and returned to Macy's.

"Hello sir, what can I do for you?" The familiar salesperson asked.

With determination in his voice, Jamie firmly responded, "I'd like to see your selection of engagement rings, please."


	11. Chapter 11: Christmas Surprises

**A/N: So when I originally wrote this chapter, I ended it here. However, I love this story too much to let it go now. So I added a bit more drama that will keep it going for a few more chapters. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I asked Santa if I could somehow magically own The Last 5 Years for Christmas…he said no.**

Cathy stood by her loft window, sipping her cup of coffee and watching the snow fall onto the city. _Christmas in New York_, Cathy thought. _I'll never get tired of it. _She stared at the snow whipping around in the air, letting her mind wander to Tristan, to Jamie, to the mess that she found herself in. Things had been awkward since the scene at the apartment with Jamie just a few weeks earlier. She had stopped trying to convince Tristan that nothing was wrong, for she was certain that Jamie did still have feelings for her. And as much as she tried to ignore it, she wasn't sure she could deny having the same feelings for him.

Noah sat on the couch, watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" his mouth opening into a huge yawn. It was Christmas Eve, and as a treat, Cathy had let him stay up later than normal. She chuckled to herself as she watched her son force his eyes open at the TV, fighting off sleep.

"Sweetie, are you getting tired?"

"Nooooooo," he said unconvincingly, another yawn coming on.

Cathy grabbed the remote, and turned off the TV. Noah shot a horrified look at her.

"You can finish it tomorrow! Besides," she glanced at her watch, pretending to look shocked at the time. "If you don't go to bed now, Santa is going to skip right over our house!"

Noah folded his arms. "Nuh uh!"

Cathy raised her eyebrows at him, stifling a smile. "Okay, if you want to wake up in the morning with no presents, that's fine…" Noah's eyes widened with concern.

"I guess I could fall asleep," he said shuffling his feet to his room, Cathy following behind. She tucked him in bed, brushing the hair away from his face.

"Merry Christmas, Noah," she said as she kissed him on the forehead.

"Murry Chistmas, Mommy," he murmured, his eyes blinking slowly as he lost the battle with sleep.

Cathy smiled one last time at her sleeping son, before closing the door behind her. She went to the linen closet, taking out the wrapped gifts she had been hiding in there since Thanksgiving. She began to display them around the lit Christmas tree when a soft knock came at the door.

Cathy peered through the peep hole to find Tristan standing there, looking slightly nervous. She opened the door slowly, careful not to make to much noise.

"Tristan!" she whispered. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's great," he said walking in. "Is Noah asleep?"

"I just put him to bed. Why, what's up?"

Tristan grinned. "Remember how you told me that when you were a kid, your family would always let you open one present on Christmas Eve?"

Cathy nodded slowly.

"Well, I thought we could reenstate the tradition."

"Tristan it's a very sweet idea, but I'm exhausted, I have to get things ready for--" she stopped mid-sentence when she saw a small wrapped box sitting on Tristan's palm.

"What's that?" she pointed to the box.

"It's a present."

"I can see that, but what is it?"

"A pair of skis. Come on Cat, just open it." Tristan urged.

Her hands trembled, pulling the ribbon slowly, and unfolding the paper to reveal a velvet black box. _Oh God…_

Before she could open it, Tristan took it from her, and knelt on one knee. Cathy covered her mouth with her hands.

"Catherine Elaine Hiatt, you have brought me more joy than I ever thought I would ever deserve. And I cannot imagine the rest of my life without you by my side." He opened the box to reveal a beautiful square cut diamond set in platinum, with Celtic markings engraved on the sides.

"Will you marry me?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jamie's alarm clock went off promptly at 7:00 am, Bing Crosby's rendition of "White Christmas" crooning through the radio. He groaned as he slapped his hand down to turn it off, his eyes still closed. The cold air of Christmas morning filtered through the closed windows, sending Jamie's body into a shiver. Though he desperately wanted another hour of sleep, he was due to pick up Noah in two hours. It was their first Christmas together, and he was determined to do it right. He sprang from bed and into the bathroom, where his half-asleep self in the mirror greeted him.

"Merry Christmas," he muttered, splashing his face with hot water. Jamie showered and shaved, trying to mask the fact that he'd gotten little sleep. As dressed, he glanced nervously at the small, white leather box that sat atop his dresser. He had bought it just a few weeks earlier, and had still not been able to decide what the hell to do with it. _Just forget it. She's moved on, you have to accept that._ And yet, he couldn't forget the moments they had shared since meeting again after five long years. He shook his head, and put the matter aside. The task at hand was making his apartment look decent for his first Christmas with his son.

Jamie arranged stockings on his bookshelf since his apartment lacked a fireplace, and placed a small (and fake) Christmas tree he had purchased at Target. He finally cleared the dirty plates that had been making a home in his sink in the dishwasher, and made some instant hot chocolate for Noah to enjoy later, along with a huge plate of Oreos. He bit into one, surveying the apartment with a satisfied nod. Jamie looked at his watch, which read 8:15. Because of his unusual efficiency, he had loads of time on his hands.

He started towards his office before a knock on the door stopped him in his tracks.

"Who is it?" he called out curiously for he wasn't expecting anyone.

"It's us!" a small voice called.

_Us?_ Jamie opened the door. Cathy stood on the other side, Noah in her arms.

"Hey!" Jamie exclaimed happily. "What are you two doing here?"

"I thought I'd save you a trip and deliver your first Christmas present," Cathy beamed, handing Noah over to him.

Jamie hugged Noah tightly. "Merry Christmas, kiddo. Come on, I have hot cocoa and cookies inside." Noah ran inside while Jamie stayed at the doorway, looking at Cathy. She looked especially beautiful: her cheeks flushed with pink from the cold, her hair styled neatly, chandelier earrings adorning her ears, and vibrant red sweater that brought out the bright blue in her eyes.

"Can I come in? Because if I'm out here much longer, I won't be thawed 'till next Christmas."

"Right, sorry," Jamie laughed, opening the door wider. He moved to the kitchen, where Noah was already helping himself to cookies.

"How about something to wash that down with?" Jamie poured cocoa into three mugs, and as he handed one to Cathy, their hands touched, causing both of them to jump.

"It's hot," Cathy said nervously.

"Very," Jamie muttered, watching her lips curve around the mug.

She caught his eye. "James, it's rude to stare," she said with a wink.

He panicked. "I wasn't," he started to stammer, but then with a sudden burst of confidence thought of a new plan. "And it's rude, Catherine, to leave lipstick on someone else's cup."

She laughed. "My sincerest apologies," she said before chugging the last of her drink. _It's so good to hear her laugh_, he thought.

Her face suddenly grew serious. "I also came over…because I have to talk to you about something."

"Oh…sure," Jamie nodded, his heart beating rapidly. "Hey Noah, you have stocking on the bookshelf. Santa put some good stuff in there for you."

"He did? How did he know I was coming over?" Noah's face was wide with shock.

"Ummm…well…Santa is also psychic…" Jamie spat out, mentally kicking himself for his slip.

"What's a psychic?" Noah asked.

"Sweetie, just go look through your stocking okay?" Cathy said gently. Noah needed no further convincing and ran into the living room to sort through the stocking.

Jamie sat at the dining room table. "Thank you."

Cathy smiled. "Anytime."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Jamie finally spoke, "You wanted to talk to me?"

Cathy sighed. "Okay…this is hard." She looked at Jamie, stone-faced. "Tristan asked me to marry him."

Jamie feigned astonishment. "Oh…what? That's…wow, I wasn't expecting that."

Cathy smirked. "You're a writer, Jamie, not an actor."

He blushed. "Okay, I knew. Well, congratulations. I'm—really happy for you two," he choked the last words out.

"Thanks. It was a huge surprise…but I think it's for the best you know? For everyone." Jamie noted that it sounded as though she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

"Well as long as you're happy. You are happy, right Cath?" Jamie asked.

Cathy sighed and awkwardly grinned. "Very."


	12. Chapter 12: Hope

**A/N: Please don't hate me for taking so damn long to update. I got on a roll with other fics I was writing and completely neglected this one. But I'm back! The next chapter is the last, I'm sad to say. But I hope you enjoy this one, and as always, I love reviews! **

**Disclaimer: Umm, I don't own anything. Except for Tanya and Dawn.**

"This fax just came in from the Gershwin," said Tanya as she walked briskly into Cathy's office. "Bill needs these signed by the end of the day, and I brought you coffee" she said brightly placing the porcelain cup in front of a dazed looking Cathy, who continued to stare at papers in front of her with her hand in her chin.

"Cathy?"

"Huh? What? Yeah. Coffee. Papers. Gershwin," Cathy rubbed her face to wake herself up. "Thanks, Tanya."

"Everything okay?" the curly haired assistant asked as she took a pencil from her ear, scribbling something on her yellow pad. "You seem…"

"Completely consumed by wedding details? I am. I've been staring at roses and lilies for the past hour and cannot decide what's the best for the centerpieces. Then I have a huge list of caterers I have to go through, bridesmaids' dresses," she let out an exasperated sigh before plopping her head on the desk. "Get married for me," Cathy whimpered.

"To Tristan Tucker? Don't tempt me, boss."

Cathy looked up with a smile. "I'm lucky, I know. It's just if it were up to me I wouldn't have a big wedding. I got that when I married Jamie, it feels unnecessary now."

Tanya smiled sympathetically. "Just breathe and enjoy, Cathy. Bottom line: you're getting married to a very handsome, very successful author who is crazy about you."

_Look how that turned out last time,_ Cathy bitterly thought.

"Plus, do you really want to pass up the opportunity to have Noah as a ring bearer?" The two women laughed and Cathy felt suddenly much more at ease. Tanya rushed back to her desk at the sound of the phone ringing.

"Cathy, Jamie on line 1 for you," Tanya called back.

"Thanks Jane," Cathy called out before pressing the blinking red button on her phone. "Hey, how's it going?"

"I'm doing okay. Other than obnoxious editors breathing down my neck," Jamie's voice rang out in a laugh over the receiver. "I was just returning your call."

"Oh, right. Look, I'm sorry to do this to you, but I was wondering if you could watch Noah tonight. Tristan and I are looking at reception halls and I have no idea how long it'll be. Would that be okay?'

There was a slight pause on Jamie's end before he cleared his throat.

"Normally, I would. But I sort of have a date."

Cathy's eyes widened and her mouth went dry. "Oh," she squeaked. "Well yeah, that's fine. I mean of course it's fine, not like you need my permission. I'll just find a sitter."

"Thanks. Listen, I've got another call coming in, but I'll talk to you soon?"

"Yeah, sure" she stammered. "Bye." She hung up and sat staring at the phone in bewilderment. Something tugged at her heart that felt oddly like jealousy, but she pushed it down, and returned her attention to the numerous pictures of flowers in front of her.

xxx

"And writing is like, my life you know? It's like therapy, except cheaper. And your writing, it just speaks to me. Really, it's like, inspirational," the redhead gazed at Jamie with big eyes, her voice dripping with the new-age crap that he so hated. He was downing his third glass of wine while Dawn continued to talk incessantly. It was not the best start to his return to the dating world, but it was a start nonetheless. And a thirty-something hippie was better than pining over his newly engaged ex-wife. He was lost in thought over when exactly his life had turned so complicated when he heard his name.

"Jamie?"

He regained his focus and saw Dawn peering at him with worried eyes.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I'm just sensing a really negative energy coming from you," she said as she waved her around Jamie. He rolled his eyes in disgust.

"Look, as much as I hate to cut this night short, my son is…sick," he lied. "And I should really go take care of him."

"You have a kid?" Dawn asked in amazement. "I totally did not get the dad vibe from you!"

"Yeah, I do, so uhh, it was nice meeting you," Jamie got up quickly and grabbed his jacket hanging on his chair. He pulled two twenties from his wallet and threw them down on the table.

"That should take care of the bill, and have a nice life," he walked quickly away from the table, ignoring the shouts of "Hey!" coming from Dawn. He knew it was a far from polite way to end the date, but he couldn't bear the thought of staying any longer. This was not how he pictured the future: a series of bad dates while the woman he really loved became increasingly close to being remarried. It was now or never to tell her how he felt, and he hoped with all his might he wasn't too late.

He hailed down a cab and instructed it to go to Cathy's place. They arrived in no time, and he swiftly made his way to her door, pushing back everything in his head that was telling him not to go through with it.. Soon after he knocked, she opened the door, surprise splashing across her face at the sight of him.

"Jamie, what are you—" and before she could finish, he pulled her to him and kissed her, letting out every emotion he had held back since she had re-entered his life.


End file.
